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10 January 2007

For Pity's Sake

Grr. Twice this has happened to me in the last month. You head to the garage for fuel and a car wash. You fill your car, pay for the fuel - adding your Golden Shower ticket for the scrubber outside - and head back to your car, ready to zoom into the washer and head off.

Only some complete twat has pulled right up into pole position at the car wash, right by the little panel where you input your code to activate the infernal machine. I despair of the mentality of the person who behaves like this. Of all the selfish, thoughtless, ignorant, rude, idiot things to do. A less public-spirited display you could not hope for.

But fear not, I have a solution to these situations. Now, this only really works easily if you've got a little car, but I'm sure there are those among you out there who are pretty handy with your Mondeos. When faced with the above predicament: you are ready to wash, in your car, but some bastard has blocked the carwash entrance - simply drive to the other end and reverse in. Obviously, you must make sure there isn't a car in there already, otherwise this scheme will not work at all well.

Assuming the carwash is empty, reverse your car to roughly where it should be for washing (careful it's not breaking the beam, otherwise you'll get wet on the run back from the code panel), get out of your car, punch your number, back to the car, wind up the windows, (have you removed your aerial?), and roll forward until the light tells you to stop.

Then, sit back and enjoy as the numpty who thinks he's bagged the next car wash arrives to find you in mid-flow. Witness the smashing shut of doors, the banging of steering wheels. Never take your eyes off the idiot in your rearview. When you're done, stop your car purposefully just beyond the end of the carwash, while you reaffix your aerial. And stare at the prat, shaking your head gently from side to side.

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