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30 December 2006

Brown Dog, Big City

I think it must have been much later than my normal family bedtime, when my Temporary Master finally went to bed last night. As a result, he slept a lot longer than I ever get to, and I quite enjoyed the lie-in. Around eleven in the morning, he appeared, rushing in, sniffing the air. I bet he expected that, by now, I'd crapped in the living room. I hadn't. His fears were misplaced.

He went into the kitchen and turned on the kettle for his tea, while preparing me my morning milk and cookies. He's obviously been told what I like and how I like it, and he's doing his best to meet those stated goals. He's doing well. He comes into the living room and sips his tea, and smoking several cigarettes. Thank God his big window's open and there's fresh air for me.

Smoking is horrible. I once knew a Beagle who'd picked up the habit, he found it terribly hard to give up. He'd been an employee of some multinational tobacco firm, who dumped him with no pension when his useful days were over. All they left him with was his crushing addiction to nicotine. He died of cancer last year.

Temporary puts out his fag and heads for the shower. He tells me he'll be with me in a minute. Sure enough, his turnaround time is pretty rapid, and he gets on his coat and hat and scarf and we're off out into the daylight.

This place looks a bit better when the sun's up. We walk a different way, this time up over a hill. At the top, it feels like a bridge. Temp tells me it's the canal - which is like a river, apparently - and encourages me to jump up to look over the wall. I decline. Instead, he leads me across the road and down a flight of stairs, leading us to the canal edge. It is like a river, only very straight indeed. There aren't any ducks, and the water doesn't run like a river. It looks dank, and stagnant. I don't fancy jumping in, put it that way.

We walk along the canal towards a massive restaurant with nobody in it. That must be costing them. As we turn the corner, I see a big metal ramp leading to a bridge. Suddenly, Temp is making some noise towards a bloke on the bridge. I think he said, I'll set my dog on you, mate. Luckily, he didn't really need me to do that, as Temp clearly knows this bloke. He waits for us as we head up the ramp and we walk together towards more restaurants and bars. The BBC's here, too - very posh! I am impressed. There's no BBC office where I come from.

It appears that this friend of Temporary's is going to have his coat cut, and let me say, he sorely needs it. He reminds me of a Bichon Frise, or perhaps ever a Puli - his coat is straggly, unkempt, messy and filthy. I'd never let myself get like that - but then, I've got very short hair myself. It never grows wild like this human.

We walk through some shops, and even go in a lift! I'm not sure about it, but the doors close and we move, down I think, and the doors open and off we go. We get clobbered by another escalator, which I definitely don't fancy, so Temp walks me back up the parade to a side passage, and we're back on the street.

It's really very busy here, with both people and traffic. I've never seen so many cars. It's a bit scary, frankly. I stick close to Temp, and we walk towards all the vehicles. It is so bloody noisy, and the air is putrid. As I wait calmly by the road to cross, three enormous vehicles with high sides and lots of people inside them come roaring past. Each of the three causes me to step back. Temp thinks it's fear. It's not, it the stench of their dirty engines coming out of that flap at the back of the bus, blowing me right in the face with horrible stink. How can people live here? It smells.

We walk further to a bit where there are no cars, just lots and lots of people. Up a side street, Temp points out the grooming parlour to his hairy friend, who disappears inside towards a happy lady. No wonder she's happy: she's just had a big, expensive job walk through the door. Temp waves his friend off, and we walk back to the main road with all the people walking on the street. As we come up the top of the road, Temp mentions that there was some German Market here the other day, and that I'd have liked the smell of chargrilled sausages puncturing the air. I thought it sounded great. Sadly, it was gone.

We walked up some steps past a big fat thing in a pond spurting water. I think it was supposed to be a lady, but it was certainly a funny-looking and very fat lady. At the top of the steps, there was a bright carousel of gaily-painted horses. Nobody was riding it, and the man who operated it was looking glum. We walked on past him and his nags, and up a slope towards a nasty concrete building. We went in underneath and walked through to the other side.

Out here there was a big open space, but still not much by way of grass or trees. I was certainly enjoying my adventure here, but I did think the countryside was better. It's more geared towards the dog. We walked around on the grass, and I found a nice tree to mark. I marked it well. Unequivocally. A man walked past and seemed to tut. I was surprised. Did he expect me to use a public toilet?

Temp told me not to worry, and we walked on. There were a load of water fountains, and then, up ahead, I got said hello to by some little humans. They were very excited to see me, and seemed to want to stroke me, but when I was near them, they clammed up. Their Master and Wife seemed to like me too, and were encouraging their little brood to stroke me, but they didn't. I understand. I probably look as big as a horse to them.

The road we were walking along was so busy, and had lots of buses on, which meant I changed sides so that Temp was between me and the smelly things. Revolting. We took a right into yet another restaurant and bar complex, and I began to wonder: is eating all people do around here? We got to a central area, then went down some steep steps to the canalside again. I like the canal. But it could do with some wildlife.

We walked up past the National Sealife Centre, and my mind wandered to thoughts of creating a National Dog Life Centre, where our kind can contribute to furthering science, public policy and environmental concerns. These thoughts were soon cast aside as I came into yet another plaza, complete with green bits and trees. Woo. I had a good sniff about, and Temp sat down on a bench made of rock and lit another cigarette, stroking me while he did so.

We wandered back around past the City Inn, and then we found ourselves at that big, busy road again. Temp pressed a button at the traffic-lights, and stood there waiting. While we did so, another herd of buses came past me, blowing more nasty soot in my face. Tell you what, the air around here's not that great.

Temp and I got back home, and soon his wife arrived. There was no more barking, and they seemed to be stroking each other so that seems to be a good thing. In my world, licking each other's face and generally pawing is taken as a positive sign.

The humans did nothing but lounge about all evening, using computers, watching television, putting Google Earth pins in all the theme parks in America. Nice, normal, human activities.

Temp popped me out in the back yard with all the cars for another run about before bedtime. Lots of people were arriving back in their cars, cars coming, cars leaving...and that great, big, gaping hole opening and closing. If I can just get close enough...nope, he's spotted me. Best go back to him or he'll shout.

I took the opportunity to empty my bowels again. Temp whipped in behind me with the plastic bag trick, and my poop was soon dumped in the dumpster. Back upstairs, my milk and biscuits were doled out, and my lights turned off. Apparently, tomorrow, I am going to the park to chase the ducks and squirrels. I cannot wait for that. Roger and out.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can we have some more tales of Jeff?

4/1/07 14:53

 

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