The Art Of Brevity

It seems the best way for me to be brief, is to be silent.

As such, I offer you some snatched entertainment: this great story about a dog-teddy-bear-massacre. God bless Wookey Hole general Manager Daniel Medley - there's a lurking Tarantino in that man, he really goes for it. If he weren't the general manager, I might ask the general manager to have him assessed by HR.

My good lady had the very good sense to point out that Mr Blair's 'arc of extremism' rang true with the assertions of The Power Of Nightmares, which aired on BBC some time back. If you can get hold of the three-parter, it's well worth it.

Entertainingly, while amusing myself finding suitable logos for my Google Earth obsession, I was putting pins in every nightclub in Birmingham. It turned up a club that is actually a lap dancing venue, but I pinned it anyway. When I'd done with the nightclubs, and having downloaded/resized a suitable clubby icon, I decided to try and find a logo for the lappies.

Birmingham is reputed to have the highest girlie bar-to-blokes ratio in the country, so I started trying to find out where all the lap dancing places were. Terribly, I'm trawling Google for "Birmingham lap dancing UK" and this really well-produced site comes up, which lists each and every lapdancing venue in the country. I am rather ashamed to say that - as of now - I have pinned every single one in England, with the exception of London - there are 65 pins for the capital alone. This is why I'm writing at, shit, half-past three in the morning. But, if any of you are stuck anywhere in England except London, and find yourselves aching for a lap dance, give me a shout: I'll guide you in.

While trying to find a suitable breast-based logo, I ended up shamelessly nicking one from a blogger (eek) - therefore, I do ask you to get along to WeLoveBoobs - apart from having a great name, you might find it arousing, and I don't think people get aroused enough these days. You might also want to buy some boob memorabilia from their boobstore. You never know. What great guys. Anyway, thanks, I borrowed your logo for my Google earth UK lapdancing clubs. Nice one. I promise not to use it for commercial purposes. In fact, if you made a t-shirt or mug with that logo on, I'd probably find myself buying one. Definitely the mug. Maybe not the t-shirt, on reflection. I'd look a bit of a tit.

It's quite clever, this logo, anyway: you know the Third Eye in the Shining Pyramid on the dollar bill? It's a stylised version of that - a triangle, containing a perfect, round boob and nipple, shining. Classy.